Tuesday, March 13, 2007
These are a few of the flowers that are blooming in our yard this winter. You gotta love living in southern California. I got this cheap add-on lens for taking macro pictures, and I am still learning to use it.
We planted a bunch of tulips in one part of the yard and are waiting to see how they do. One group came up quickly and were beautiful on their own but would look better if the whole area bloomed, which we are still hoping for by Easter.
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I was sent the prayer below a while back and have been praying it ever since. As a child I was often called a crybaby as I cried so often and so easily, but after my parents' divorce something inside of me shut down, and I stopped crying. I remember the vow I made after dad told us he was leaving, "I will not let this affect me..." I went years without crying before realizing why. When I finally figured it out I renounced the vow and started going to Jesus asking for healing and wholeness in this area. Slowly over the years I have seen Him restore this part of me. I am still not to a fully healthy place in terms of expressing emotions, and I am seeing deeper and deeper areas in which I am affected. I find that I still quickly become hard and stubborn in certain situations in which I should be soft and repentant. There is clearly more that Jesus needs/wants to do in me. One thing that has proved helpful is this prayer. I thought it was worth posting as my experience is that most men are not able to weep in the way that Jesus modeled for us. May He be our goal for manhood/masculinity and not some western cutural definition that is either emasculated or macho.
"Father, please draw me so that I may run after You. Make me sensitive to Your heart, Your touch, Your voice. Have mercy on me, dear Lord, that I may weep in Your presence. Unblock the dam of my emotions that I may weep tears of compassion. May Your merciful heart give me a sense of Your grief for the lost and the lonely. And I pray that I'll be full of tears of joy at Your kindness and goodness. May I be overwhelmed by Your tender mercy and unfailing love. Amen."
