Sunday, March 12, 2006
Picture: There is a little amusement park in our town that is evidence of how little it takes to make kids happy. It has about 9 rides, three of which are different kinds of swings that go in a circle, a ferris wheel, bumper cars (2 cars), and a couple of other random coasters. Each ride costs about 10 cents. Our kids love going to this place. I took Keaton last week while the older kids has gymnastics practice.
The Week: Court and Relational pain
What has been the biggest issue in my mind the last few weeks, namely the court case, took second place this past week. The hearing is set for this coming Tuesday at 10 am. Only the Lord knows what will happen.
But I received a letter from an old friend this past week that took center stage in my mind. He used to be a very close friend, but we have not lived in the same place (and have only seen each other once) in over 10 years. He has been a generous supporter since we began this life in 1997. He wrote this week to say that he was ready to stop supporting us due to the fact that he disagreed with some decisions we had made. The details are not important here, but it brought to the forefront one of the difficulties in the life we have chosen to live. We are overseas for years at a time and when home, only get to see even our closest friends for very short periods. We have changed drastically in the nine years since we originally left the states. Of course most of our friends in the states have changed as well.
Relationships are the most important thing in our lives, and we can't stay connected to all the people we love. This is probably true for most people, but I think those in our lifestyle experience it more often.
The ending of the support is not a big deal relatively. We will miss it, but the Lord has always taken care of us, and we know He will continue. I don't mean that I don't (and haven't) appreciated their support; I have. It has been a huge blessing. What I mean is that in comparison to the relationship we have (had) the money is nothing. The point is that the hardest thing is the realization that someone who used to be a close friend is now very distant and does not trust us. Apparently this has been true for a while, but I am only just now aware of it.
As I walk with Jesus through this He reminds me that he experienced this kind of thing as well. At the same time I am not really able to see Jesus in it yet. I know He is with me, and I know He is in this; I just have not been able to get past all the voices in my head- defending, accusing, justifying, condemning,...- and to stop and hear the One voice that speaks Peace in the storm. In a sense I am still in the boat yelling for Jesus to wake up because we are going to drown (Mark 4:35-41). So in this I am sharing a story that is still happening. The closure has not come. What does the future hold? I pray for reconciliation- it may take a long time...